


Working Imp

by Marsh_Daisy



Series: "What Time is it in Darwin?" [8]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: F/M, Humor, My OCs have taken over, Not Canon Compliant, Romance, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:20:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28371537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marsh_Daisy/pseuds/Marsh_Daisy
Summary: Murdoc is safe and sound, and - as usual - wants something from his bandmates.Suits Noodle - she just might want something, too.Kimberly has a bigger problem: How do you replace an interdimensional personal assistant?
Relationships: Murdoc Niccals/Original Female Character(s), Stuart "2D" Pot/Original Female Character(s)
Series: "What Time is it in Darwin?" [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069307
Kudos: 2





	Working Imp

Murdoc, my beloved beast, was back and all was right with the world.

Underworld too, as far as that goes. I can’t guarantee that Belias would never try something stupid again. I can guarantee that my sweet friend Lucifer would stop him in his tracks and make him regret ever having emerged from a pit of filth. The Father of Lies is surprisingly good at keeping His word.

The morning after our strenuous and slightly injurious reunion, I stumbled down to the kitchen for my coffee and daily briefing. The coffee maker was empty. And my debriefer was nowhere to be seen. I dropped my head down to the counter top with an aggravated groan. Damn Belias. Not only had he put me and my snake through all that utterly pointless circus over the last two days, he also lost me a perfect assistant.

My monster had followed me down. He slipped behind me and rubbed my shoulders. “No banging your head on the marble. You want a concussion that’s what you have me for.” He looked around. “No coffee? Oh-h-h-h-h. Shit.”

“Shit is right. 15 years of having someone around who seemed to read my thoughts because she more or less was. This is a nightmare.”

Murdoc was silent for a moment as he contemplated my dilemma. “I could-”

“No, you couldn’t.”

“Right. Can’t. Had to offer.”

I sat up at the counter, and Murdoc headed round it to make coffee.

I asked Greta to risk everything to help me when that jackass Belias stole my snake. And as she realized I would never share eternity with her as she had hoped, she took the chance to go back home. I hoped she was happy there. I could try to find out, but prying rarely ends well for either party.

One can hardly expect a convenient celestial to drop from the sky with a flawless CV in its hand twice in one lifetime. This left me with a considerable problem.

"Suppose you put out an advert? S'how I got Noodle and that turned out all right."

"Wanted - administrative assistant. Must be able to use scheduling and financial software, host social gatherings, and read my fucking mind. Ability to travel to and from the Earthly realm with ease a plus. Thousands of years of experience required."

Murdoc handed me my coffee and snorted. "You could hire Urdek. He'll show up sooner or later anyway."

I reviewed what he said.

He nearly choked on his coffee. "I was joking. Joking!"

"But- he could do everything I need. Even for parties - I can teach him how to hand out drinks and make small talk. Think how impressed potential clients would be!"

"My sweet- centipede- shut up I'm still working on these- You need to give this some thought-”

“No- it’s perfect. Asmodeus, this may be the best idea you ever had."

"Really?" he mumbled into his coffee mug. "Hooray for me, then."

******************

My schedule was not a problem. Greta often had additional background information on the clients that she would go over with me in the morning, though, and that was a problem. Today looked okay: I had nothing. I planned to take my monster out for dinner. Tomorrow, though- I had a seance in which I would help a grieving family settle a dispute. I needed far more information than I had in my schedule.

I headed to Greta’s office with a reminder to myself that it was not Greta’s office any more. “The” office, I guess. I stared at the monitor and gave the mouse a little wiggle. There’s that cute little noise it makes when it wakes up, and then- password.

I’m not an idiot. I know how computers work. I know how to do research and use programs and whatever else one needs to do to get by in the 21st century. But here’s the thing: I haven’t needed to do any of it in 15 years. 

Password? There wasn’t even a little “I forgot my password” prompt in tiny embarrassed looking letters. Just- “password.”

I got up and paced around the room. Greta never did anything to make this her space. After all, she had no family, no actual life of her own. 2D made her a beautiful glass picture frame when we had our road trip through New York in August, and she had it on her desk, but it remained empty. I needed someone to fill it, and fill this office, too.

*********************

“Good morning, Kimbery Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson! How are you this bright, lovely day?”

“You seem like you’re in a wonderful mood, Urdek. What’s made my friend so happy?”

He sat down cross-legged in the circle. “Odd as it may seem - I’ve almost achieved celebrity status down Under. They’re saying I bested Belias - which I didn’t - you did - but I was there and that’s enough for some people!”

“Well, truth to tell,” I said with a smile, “I couldn’t have done it without you. So in a way they’re right.”

Urdek grinned. “I know! It’s wonderful. I consider myself so fortunate to know you- which is to say, work with- well, assist you-”

“How about be my friend?”

Urdek squirmed happily but said nothing.

“But- I think perhaps ‘assist’ is what I’m looking for here.”

He sat up straight and looked at me attentively. “Whatever you need, Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson - I’m your Imp.”

“Fabulous. I need information on my clients.”

“Wouldn’t that be in your files?”

“I can’t get into any of them. There’s a password and I don’t know what it is.”

“That’s easy enough,” said Urdek. “I can get you in, no problem. I used her computer to find Mr. Buccals.”

“True. You did.”

I stood up and gestured for him to follow me. He trotted along behind me, his goat feet tapping on the hardwood floors.

He went straight to the computer and climbed onto the chair. Click click click - and he was in. “Okay, let’s start with looking for-”

“Urdek! How did you know?”

“It’s ‘Kimberly 182.’ She changed it monthly.”

“And you just- knew this?”

“Well, it was rather obvious.”

“Obvious. Right. Yes. Okay.” I pulled the armchair over and sat down to watch him.

“Now, let’s see- blessings, I forgot my glasses. Search files- Investments. Personal Finances. Business Finances. Scheduling. Mailbox. Travel documents. Personal Correspondence. Clients. Archives. Taxes. Murdoc Niccals.” He looked up. “Your fellow? He has his own folder in here.”

“That should make for some interesting reading,” I muttered. “Don’t open it.”

“Each folder is password protected.”

“Well, can you figure out the passwords?”

He stared at me blankly. “You really have no idea how any of this works, do you?”

“I never had to! Someone did all of this for me!”

He reached to his left and pulled out a flat wooden shelf, which was nestled above the top drawer. He said, “hmm,” and pulled it out further, then flipped it over. He pointed: “Passwords.” There were dozens of them, neatly printed out in Greta’s impeccable handwriting. “She kept up on them, too. Most people just line through them or scribble them out when they change them. She made new labels every time.”

I sat open-mouthed. “How did you know?”

“Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson, this is where you will find them in 95% of offices in every realm!”

“Right. That’s it. Urdek?”

“Yes, Kimber-”

“Enough with that. Urdek, Administrative Imp, grade seven: how would you like a job?”

*******************

“Kimberly Syb-”

I interrupted, “Okay, first off, we can’t keep up with this. I know you do it out of respect-”

“Reverence,” put in Urdek.

“- but we’re going to waste a lot of time. So from now on it’s Kimberly. Got it?”

He nodded.

“Let’s see- Usually the first thing an interviewer asks is ‘why do you want to work here’? But since you’re not actually seeking the job, I’m not sure I need to ask.”

Urdek raised his hand.

“Urdek, you don’t need to raise your hand to speak.”

“I can still answer. I want to work here because it’s for you. You’re my friend and you always treat me well. And you like my wee Marmaduke, and that means a lot to me, Kimberly Syb- Kimberly.”

I smiled. “Urdek, your Marmaduke is a sweet, charming little fellow. Come to think of it, 2D never would have founded the daycare if it hadn’t been for how much Marmaduke loved him at first sight.” I mused on it for a moment longer. “What a strange, lovely family we have here. All because my monster exorcised his best friend right out of his own body.”

Urdek was patient while I reflected on the absurdity of the past year.

“But!” I said brightly, “Here we are now, on the edge of another adventure. Your payment shall be-”

“Blood?”

“Rather impractical on the earthly plane, as it happens.” I named an amount and Urdek gasped. Then he blinked and looked puzzled.

“I was just assuming that was a lot. I’m not actually sure how much that is.”

“It’s enough to keep you and Marmaduke very comfortable, I assure you. Oh- and paid personal days, of course, since you’ll want time off with your impling."

He nodded vigorously. "We take in turns to be room parent. You should see Tra'gouroth in the little apron Mr. 2D made for us."

"I would pay for health care, except I don’t think there’s a health care plan in New York that covers your unique needs. I will heal you, and your boy, no matter what. Let’s see- retirement? We’re both on the immortal side, but if you ever decide you’re done being my brain, I’ll still make sure you have everything you need. Urdek, look: just say yes, okay?”

Urdek took a deep breath and looked at me with shining eyes. “I will be very happy to take the job of your personal Administrative Imp.”

My beast was eavesdropping from the doorway. “If ever there was solid evidence that I should keep my bloody mouth shut, it’s this,” he muttered.

“Oh, Mr. Duccals- you’ve heard the good news! I’m honored to do all the dull and boring and mind-numbing soul-crushing tasks for her unto eternity.”

“Urdek, just as I want you to call me Kimberly from now on, I suggest you stop worrying about his name as well. He’s Murdoc. That’s it.”

“Yes, Kimberly.”

“Okay. I think the rest of the day you should wander through the files and familiarize yourself with everything in there. Client files should be your top priority. Check my schedule for the upcoming week, and look at the client files to see if there is anything specific I need to know about them. Some of them I know already, but good practice for you to do all of them. You can add all the details right to the schedule.”

“You got it, boss!” He giggled. “Boss.”

I laughed. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” I snagged my beloved’s arm as I left the office. Urdek’s office.

******************

Urdek worked through lunch. I'm pretty sure he never even thought of taking a break, but I poked my head in to invite him to join us. He shook his head and said, "not until I have this sorted." I offered milk and a peanut butter sandwich and he smiled brightly. "Please, Boss Kimberly! And- could you cut it in triangles?"

Once I fed my personal assist-imp I grabbed a couple books on cleansing from my library and headed to the patio with a cup of coffee.

Murdoc was already out there, with his feet in the hot tub, writing something. "You should eat, my- platypus- nope. Nope."

I sighed. "I know. I have no appetite."

He came to join me on the patio. I could see now his clipboard held sheets of staff paper. It made my heart leap but I said nothing.

He flopped down on the chaise next to me. "You need to keep up your strength. No fun if I can overpower you right away. I don't get off unless you put up a fight."

I smiled and reached out to squeeze his hand. "Here I thought you were worried about me. You're only thinking about your cock, as usual."

"Don't pretend it isn't all you think about."

We sat holding hands for a while. I've never enjoyed the simple company of another person so much in my life. His energy is tremendous; he’s twice as alive as any other human I knew.

The patio door slid open and Urdek scurried out. "Oh, Boss Kimberly! I've accomplished so much today!" We followed him inside to his office. He showed me some printed sheets he had placed in a binder. "I checked on all your clients for the remainder of this week, and next week as well. I added notes to your schedule, but I also printed out more in depth profiles and histories. I’ll make my own copies so we can stay on the same page.” He giggled. “I noticed you only read print books, so I thought it might be advantageous. We absorb knowledge in different ways, yes?"

"I'm impressed." I picked up the binder. Each page outlined the entire history of my relationship with the client, payment records, and details. Each was enclosed in a plastic sleeve.

"I put them in those in case you want to read them in the hot tub."

"Urdek - you amaze me."

"Right now I have them in appointment order, but I plan to remove each week as we go along and create an alphabetical library of client resources. Then I can update them after every fresh appointment, and make a weekly binder for you to flip through."

"This is fabulous work. Did she- were these supplies here, or-"

"I did pop off and raid my desk down below for a few of my favorite pens and what-nots. But I also took the liberty of ordering some things and having them delivered. I have the receipts filed and expenses recorded. Oh, and-" He turned the glass photo frame around. "I had them print out a picture for me as well!"

Marmaduke's smiling face greeted me. I felt a rush of love for him, and this amazing demon sitting in front of me.

"You've done yourself proud today. You head on home and give that boy a big hug from his Auntie Kimberly."

Urdek swelled under my praise. "Good night, Kimberly, my friend and boss! I will see you tomorrow." And he vanished with a pop.

"Right," said Murdoc. "I changed my mind. I take full credit for the idea of hiring him."

******************

The following morning dawned clear and warm. At 8:00 precisely, the familiar boom radiated through the house, as Urdek commuted from the Lower Realm directly into his chair. It would serve as sufficient wake-up call. I came down to find my assist-imp already had coffee brewing. When he heard me poking around the kitchen, he popped in to say good morning.

“Thank you for making coffee, Urdek. That was thoughtful of you.”

“Least I can do, Boss Kimberly!” He smiled brightly. “And I have something very special for you.” He handed me a folded piece of paper.

I unfolded it. It was an invitation, printed on bright blue paper, decorated with colorful leaves.

“Please come to our fall celebration! Cider, biscuits, stuffed glorndgens. Meet the teacher! September 21st at Little Devils Daycare.”

Underneath, Marmaduke had printed carefully in red crayon:

“Please come see my school, Auntie Kimberly and Unkie Murdoc. Love Marmaduke.”

“What’s this?” my beast asked, plucking it out of my hand. He scanned it and then chortled. “Unkie Murdoc? What have I done to deserve this?”

Urdek looked at both of us hopefully.

“Of course! We would be very happy to come see Marmaduke’s school.” I put the invitation on the refrigerator. “It will be wonderful to see 2D and all the implings.”

My beast dropped down on a stool resignedly, and reached out his hand. I slid a coffee mug into it. “Are you going to give me the usual tripe about choices?”

“No, my beloved monster. This time - you have no choice.”

Urdek beamed. “This morning, Boss Kimberly, you have a seance at 11:00. I have a great deal of information for you.” He handed me the weekly binder, and flipped to the correct section. “It will be well for you to familiarize yourself with the family history before you contact the deceased. It will save a great deal of time.”

I sipped my coffee. “Thank you, Urdek.”

He saluted, then giggled. “Right! I’m off to work then!” and he scampered - really there is no other word - down the hallway.

“Family history." I was asked to contact the patriarch of an energy tech company. He had locked up a great many of his plans for the future of the business and released the information only to his young wife. His adult sons, both of whom served on his board of directors and devoted themselves to the company, were furious that she fancied she could control the board, holding the information hostage. It was not a business issue. It was two young men who were bewildered by their father's actions, and couldn’t fathom why he was playing their step-mother against them. It was a muddle, and I was grateful for the time and trouble Urdek had taken.

I packed up my supplies - not much was necessary for a simple seance. Murdoc was out on the dock, so I strolled down to say goodbye. “Unless you wanted to come with me?”

He eyed me speculatively. “That’s a last minute offer. Not actually sincere.”

“You see through me so easily, Leviathan. I’m better off on my own for this one.” I stooped to kiss him. “Any plans for you?”

He waved airily. “Oh, you know. The usual. Do some things. Talk to some people.”

I stood and adjusted my bag on my shoulder. “Call me if you need bailing out, love.”

*******************

The seance did indeed prove as challenging as Urdek warned me, but fortunately the departed soul knew very well what his widow was trying to pull and the issue was quickly resolved. He was full of kind words for his beloved sons and granddaughter. I drove home feeling warm and fulfilled. It was therefore rather disappointing to find no one there.

"Asmodeus?" I stepped out the back to check the patio, but no monster. His room was empty, as was the library and the downstairs apartment, which I still thought of as Noodle’s house.

I didn't have a bad feeling about it, though. He seemed like he had some things going on, and he's wandered off before. Walking back into the kitchen, I saw a note taped to the refrigerator, next to Marmaduke's invitation. 

"My-" here several words had been attempted and scribbled out - "I have to go see someone about a thing. A music thing. All very legit and legal. No worries. - M"

I shook my head, smiling. Just have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I walked down the hallway to Urdek's office, expecting to see him busy at his desk, but he wasn't there. This troubled me a bit more. He never mentioned needing to go anywhere. The computer had gone into sleep mode. His briefcase sat next to the desk. I was just leaving the room when I heard the small boom heralding his arrival.

He looked vexed. And startled to see me.

"Boss Kimberly! I've been having an atrocious day! I may need you to write me a note or something."

"Whatever for, Urdek?"

"It seems that-" and that was as far as he got before he blinked back out again with another boom. 

I waited for about five minutes, then realized I was nearly dizzy from hunger and the drain on my energy. I headed to the kitchen to heat up some leftover soup. Noodle had texted. I got into a lengthy conversation with her, and time slipped away from me before it occurred to me that Urdek had still not returned. There was little I could do short of summoning him, and I was uncertain as to the wisdom of that.

I finished my snack and checked my schedule. Nothing tomorrow, summoning a celestial the day after. Not much Urdek needed to prep me for. But this was very worrisome.

No sooner had I thought that than he boomed back into the office. "Kimberly!" he screeched.

I ran down the hallway. "Urdek! Are you okay?"

"Grab me- quick! Please!" He ran out the office door and into my arms.

"Urdek, sweetheart, what's wrong?" I held him tightly.

"They never- It's been seven times- Please hold onto me, Kimberly!"

He was being ripped out of my arms. I tightened my grip. "Whoever you are, you are not taking this demon!" I shouted, groping for any sort of address I could. How can one be specific at a time like this? "He is in my care! You can not have him!"

The pulling sensation stopped. Urdek still clung to me, panting and trembling. 

I heard a crack from outside, and walked carefully to the patio doors, still holding Urdek in an iron grip. Two demons stood by my pool, one looking aggravated and the other abashed.

I opened the door and went out, keeping my arm around Urdek.

"Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson!" cried the irritated looking one. The other cringed, head sinking down between his shoulders. "I had no idea he had actually involved you in this farce!"

"Please explain yourself," I said icily.

"Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson, I'm so sorry. This Lesser Imp - grade seven - is claiming to have accepted a job offer from you! Of all things." He sniffed and glared at Urdek.

"He has indeed accepted a job offer from me! Why should that be so hard to believe? He's an amazing assistant. I'm lucky to have him - lucky to call him my friend."

Urdek was gazing up at me in complete adoration. "Boss Kimberly, that's why I said I might need a note. They don't believe me. And they won't take me off the roster! In fact, they left me as the only one on it today!"

Roster? "You've been summoned? All day?" I turned on the other imps in fury. "What a cruel thing to do. You have my word this imp is gainfully employed by me. If you have an issue with that, I can take this all the way to the Bottom, as I am sure you're aware."

The imp looked shaken, and he damned well should. "I'll- I will make a note of this- and-"

Urdek looked up at me. "Should you write me something? An excuse to get me out of summoning duty or something?"

The other imp quickly stammered, "No no no! I'm sure Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson's word is more than enough."

"Oh, it is, it is," I said tightly. "Off you go. Change your records and don't harass my assistant - my friend - again."

The two disappeared with a bang.

Urdek collapsed, whimpering. "I've been everywhere. I'm exhausted. Boss Kimberly, I didn't get anything done today. I'm so sorry. I'll stay late-"

"You'll do no such thing. You will go on home to your Marmaduke. Wait-"

I went into the kitchen and returned with a package of my beast's favorite cookies. "Here - take these to Marmaduke. And I want you to take tomorrow off, Urdek. Keep Marmaduke home with you and have a special day together."

Urdek clutched the cookies to his chest. "Boss Kimberly- I don't know how to thank you."

"Nobody messes with my family." I hugged him, feeling how fast his poor heart was still beating. "Get your bag and go."

He trotted down to the office and popped off.

******************

My monster came home four days later.

I was out at the time, performing a very light exorcism. More of a shade than anything else. It was quick and easy. I came home thinking about a glass of wine and a soak in the hot tub, and therefore was overjoyed to see my beast already in the water with an open bottle and two glasses. 

I stripped and slid in, covering my beloved’s face with kisses. Something immense and hard was waiting for me under the surface and I was on it in an instant. “My love, my eternity,” I murmured against his neck. He set the pace with his hands clamped on my hips. He was done quickly and I was grateful as the water starts to irritate. But there was no way in any realm I would turn down that sort of welcome.

He handed me a glass of wine and slid down in the water up to his chin. “I missed you, my- hot pepper? I’ve been playing with vegetable names. No good?”

I laughed and clinked glasses with him. “Right now you could call me your moldy toadstool and I’d be fine with it.”

“How was your week?”

“Started light, got kinda heavy, then light again.” I cozied up against his shoulder. “Two cleansings, one possession - that was dicey - two summonings, a deal with a demon who should have used more common sense, three seances. Oh, and a dressing down of a fucking imp who outranked Urdek and was giving him a hard time. And I think I’m going to take up painting. I started watching Bob Ross.”

“Did you miss me? Did you take care of yourself every night and scream my name?”

“Mmmm- I did. Nothing like the real thing, though. I always pull my punches, and I can’t reach anywhere interesting to bite myself.”

He refilled my glass. “We’ll take care of that in a bit.”

We sat together in happy silence, enjoying the heat and the wine.

“You didn’t ask about my week, my potato- Nope.”

“When have I ever? I trust my sweet salamander.”

“See, now that’s something slimy and gross and yet it works. How do you do that? But in case you happened to wonder - I may have found a replacement for- for- my-”

It’s still a sore spot. Can’t blame him for not being able to say the name. “Did you ever actually try playing the-”

“Do not finish that sentence. Do not. As I was saying, I may have found something. It could be a challenge to actually get my hands on it. But I know where it is.”

I stretched up to nibble his ear. “I’m so happy to hear this! What do you need to do to nail down the deal?”

“Wel-l-l-l. Here we come to the part where I stop sharing. Let’s head upstairs now.”

“I would accuse you of trying to distract me were the distraction not so appealing.”

******************

Oh, how I had missed his face: to gaze at, to kiss, to sit on. Once he had shaken me to the core repeatedly, I had the privilege of shaking him. His size is a mixed blessing. Inside it feels like the very earth itself is moving within me. Still a manageable double handful when it came to stroking him. But when I wanted to kneel and worship at his altar, I had to accept a sore jaw the following day was the price I would pay. Worth it. I'd bear more to hear him moan, to feel his hips start thrusting involuntarily, to lick his stomach after. Worth it.

After a quick shower, we snuggled down in my bed. He was out in a matter of minutes, but I stayed awake a bit longer, pondering the price of this possible new bass. I wanted that for him. I wanted the music in his life again. I was so happy to see him writing. And after all, Russ was right here in Queens, so that's half the band right there. I have no doubt 2D and Noodle would be willing. I sighed. Only problem was determining just what it would take to put the bass in his hands, and whether I'd have to walk through heaven or hell to get it for him.

*******************

The third week of September rolled into view and I had Urdek clear my calendar for a few days. Since Murdoc and I lacked Urdek’s ability to pop back and forth at will, we had packing and tickets to deal with. Fortunately, Urdek proved as adept at arranging travel plans as he was at everything else he was asked. He booked us a room at the hotel I had stayed in on previous trips.

We met our friends in the city for dinner. Lily sat close to 2D, watching and listening, working out her place in all of this. It was the first time she was among us as 2D’s - Stuart’s - girlfriend. That was how Mr Pot had introduced him to her and she never called him 2D as far as I knew. I met her when I tried to help my monster reclaim his bass, and she and I spoke on the phone the day he told me about their relationship. She’s a wonderfully straightforward woman, focused and determined. I asked about the zoo, and she answered with the same dedication and knowledge 2D showed for the daycare. Even my Leviathan shared a couple stories about the work he had done with me. I praised our Urdek, delineating some of his admirable contributions to our household and business. 

2D nodded enthusiastically. “Marmaduke plans to ask him to come to career day to talk about it. He’s very excited. You know, there’s also a ‘Take Your Child to Work’ day every year - Marmaduke would love to come visit you guys.”

“No reason to wait,” I said, pouring more wine into Murdoc’s glass. “He’s welcome any time.”

“Pendragon has asked his dad Tra'gouroth to speak about his work on the Board of Lower Education. And Cecil and Clemencia asked their mum - that’s Urdek’s sister Mernak - to talk about her job as Supervisor for the Lower-Mid-Central-Unified-something or other.”

“That all sounds wonderful!” I enthused. “Do you need any help setting up for the party?”

2D shook his head and finished chewing. “They’ve done it all. Wait til you see! I’m so proud of them. And I want you all to come back on Saturday - around noon. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day and we can have a picnic on the school grounds.”

********************

The party was an utter delight. The implings had added red, orange, and gold leaves to the trees 2D had painted on the wall as part of a mural. Lily said the paintings were from a book called “The Wind in the Willows.” I spotted a stoat that looked exactly like Mrs. Bunty. Orange streamers dangled from the ceiling. Argentia created a tremendous centerpiece for the table, thankfully free of any scenes of underworld torture. Archibald made apple pie. Ozias and Esau had baked oatmeal cookies; biscuits, I should say. To my surprise, Pendragon turned out to be an expert knitter. He made socks for all of his friends, perfectly fitted to pull up over their wee goat hoofs. He had some for each of us as well. There was no chance of Murdoc or 2D getting their feet in the pairs Pendragon proudly presented to them, but they thanked him sincerely and 2D gave him a warm hug. 

We sat in undersized chairs to watch a play they had written about Demeter and Persephone. Pendragon played Hades to perfection. Archibald read a poem about the shortened days and growing darkness. Clemencia sang a song while Cecil accompanied her on one of 2D’s keyboards. Each one of the little demons had written an essay on their favorite things about fall. Eudora listed apple cider, Basilia looked forward to cozy days around her forge, and Marmaduke wrote about his plans for Halloween. Turns out they love dressing up as humans. It was charming, it was touching, and it was all due to the hard work of the sweet blue-haired man who sat at the back of the room, smiling widely. 

After the show Lily helped the implings fill and distribute cups to the adults. We strolled about drinking warm spiced cider and chatting. Mr and Mrs Pot were in attendance as well, and greeted me fondly. 2D introduced us to his teacher's aide Edmund, who had slipped in a bit late. He shook our hands, smiling and blushing. Urdek was in his element, excited as always to be amid both his demon and human friends. I heard him refer to me as “Boss Kimberly” a few times, no doubt to demonstrate that he no longer used my entire name as an honorific. Mernak is every bit as friendly as her brother. She was quite proud of his position as my assistant, and hinted broadly that she would love an invitation to visit me. I assured her I looked forward to arranging one soon.

The implings wandered about and sat on the laps of any available parent. Marmaduke snuggled up on my lap, and Argentia hung off Murdoc. Perhaps she sensed his underlying malevolence, which appealed to her evil little heart. This did not sit well with Gathiod, but to his credit he remained silent, drinking his coffee and conversing with Druvoxin. 2D, Edmund, and Lily visited with each family, sharing sweet stories about their little ones.

By and by the families headed out, shaking hands with 2D and thanking him for all of his hard work. Urdek left with tears in his eyes. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you came, Boss Kimberly. I’ll keep things running smoothly while you enjoy your vacation. Thank you.” He hugged me, while I blinked away my own tears. 

At last only 2D, Lily, Edmund, Murdoc and I remained. We cleaned up the messes and returned the chairs to their tables. Lily invited us to their flat, and I ordered dinner for us to pick up.

Their flat was tiny, but seemed all they needed. 2D and Lily set out plates and glasses and we took our dinner into the living room to sit and chat. My beast was on the quiet side this evening, but we had brushed right up against his social threshold. After dinner I followed Lily into the kitchen. She waved off my offer of help; there were only a few things to wash up. She made tea and we sat at the table.

“He’s lucky to have your help with the daycare as well as the zoo.”

She laughed. “No, I’m the lucky one. I love those little imps. And I love to be a part of whatever makes him happy.”

I sipped my tea. “It seems to be working. He told me all about your first date.”

“He took me to Brighton. He had just asked me to lunch, mind. I wasn’t expecting to spend the whole day together.”

“Night, too?” I asked with raised eyebrows.

“Well, we were having such fun. Wanted to make sure we enjoyed any activity that presented itself.” She sipped her tea with an innocent expression, but her eyes gave her away. She set her cup down. “I hope it doesn’t seem like I was- lying in wait or some such. I know it must have been obvious that I had feelings for him, but I never said a word. I waited until he decided. Which meant waiting until he ran out of available women in town to shag, and waiting until his father told him to knock it off and start shagging his stable hand instead.” This time she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Ah, so Mr Pot had a hand in it, did he? He’s a very nice fellow. Both of his parents are delightful.”

“I adore them, and Mr Pot thinks of me as a daughter. I spend a lot of time with him at the zoo, and we eat dinner with them most weekends.”

I swirled my tea in my cup.

She noticed. “Can you read tea leaves or is that silliness?”

“A good psychic can read whatever they please. Like an artist chooses their medium. Are those your drawings?” I asked, nodding at the pile she had moved over to the counter when we set out the food.

“Oh, yes. I wouldn’t call myself an artist, though.” She handed some over to me.

“My dear, you can call yourself whatever you please. You create art, you are an artist. Doesn’t matter how anyone else might define it.” I flipped through pages of ducks and ponies, and came upon a drawing of 2D. He was leaning on a fence, and she had captured perfectly his posture, the slope of his shoulders, and the length of his legs. I looked up to see her gazing at the subject of the portrait, sitting on the sofa with Murdoc next to him, both of them on their phones.

“You are a talented woman, in more ways than one,” I said, handing her the stack of drawings. “You capture his happiness.”

“His happiness is mine to capture. To care for. He’s given me happiness beyond anything I ever imagined.”

We rose and I called to my monster. I gave Lily a long hug. She radiates warmth and comfort. I could see why 2D loved her, why he found such ease in her company. We confirmed time for tomorrow’s picnic, and headed back to the hotel.

**********************

2D had suggested a picnic at the school, explaining that he and his family came quite often to relax at the end of the day. Lily and I spread a blue tablecloth over a large picnic table, and unfolded the lawn chairs he kept just behind the building.

2D and my snake were deep in conversation, but it seemed to be heating up a bit. Lily and I paused as we laid out the sandwiches and salads she had brought.

“It’s perfectly safe. Everything is under lock and key.”

“Yeah, your lock. Your key. You’ve no fucking right-”

“What was your plan, then? Didn’t see you flying back to help me, did I?”

“Didn’t exactly send me an invite did you? You gave the damn studio away without even asking us!”

“We have all the equipment.” 2D continued tightly. “Anything you want we can do.”

Murdoc seemed to notice Lily and me, and he straightened and cleared his throat. “Only it ain’t up to just me, right?”

“Just drop it,” said 2D. “We can talk about it later.”

“Goddamn right we will,” growled my monster.

He had made sure of it.

At about one, a car pulled into the side drive of the school, and Noodle stepped out.

2D and Lily were sitting next to me; I was telling them about my experiences with the imps who were bugging Urdek. They rose with looks of complete shock.

Murdoc looked satisfied, and strode right over to shake her hand, and pat her shoulder. “Good girl. Knew you’d come.”

“Call me a ‘good girl’ again and I go straight back to the airport.” She ran over to give me a hug. “Kimberly! I’ve missed you. I meant to call last week but I had engagements almost every night.”

“That’s all right, sweet Athena. I’m so happy to see you! I had no idea!”

She turned to look at Murdoc. “You didn’t tell her?” She looked at 2D and Lily at last, and took in their stunned expressions. “You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

My monster folded his arms. “You’re my secret weapon.”

I brought a chair over to Noodle, then Lily and I went to sit on the swings. 

“Murdoc called me yesterday,” Noodle said. “I thought you two had talked to each other first.”

“Talk is not the word I would use,” muttered 2D. 

“Well, I decided it was time I took charge of this shit. If you will recall, this is my band. You left us high and dry so you could fucking frolic with sheep.”

“The rest of you took off! It’s all safe- I told you. You can take whatever you want. And how was I supposed to know you even wanted any part of this any more? You said you’d never play again, didn’t you?”

Noodle touched 2D’s leg lightly. “That’s why he wanted us to get together. He found a bass.”

“I- just-” He cleared his throat. “I may need some- assistance in acquiring it. It’s a bit-” His eye fell on me, sitting on the swing next to Lily.

I went to my beloved’s side and pulled another chair over. "Tell me which demon I need to beat up.” I looked up into his eyes. “You know I would do anything for you.”

“I have never asked you for money and I never will.”

I was completely taken aback. “Money. Money? Asmodeus, I have money on top of money. How much do you need?”

He was silent. Noodle finally answered. "Two hundred fifty thousand dollars.”

“You can't be serious.”

She explained. “It’s called the Bass of Doom. It belonged to Jaco Pastorius.”

I turned to my beast in bewilderment. “Greatest bass player who ever lived. Died when he was 35. It's a Fender jazz he stripped the frets off. It’s been here and there since he died - it was returned to his family about ten years ago. But- they’ve put it up for auction. It’s up at Sotheby’s on Sunday.”

Noodle continued, “It’s worth every penny. It’s priceless, really. But- He can’t afford it just now-”

“So he wants us to buy it for him?” 2D asked, brows furrowed.

“If we-” Noodle began.

“I can’t. I only just bought this.” 2D said, gesturing at the school.

“I have a lot set aside, though,” said Noodle. “I can get a loan for the rest. All I’ve been doing is saving my payments for my work. Kimberly barely charged me anything when-”

“And here is my name,” I interjected. “And no one has said, ‘Kimberly, can you help?’ so that I can say, ‘of course, whatever you desire.’ That’s my usual modus operandi. In case you were unaware.”

Murdoc rubbed his face. “I can’t ask you for that kind of-”

“No, but you can ask us? Really?” 2D said incredulously.

Noodle said smoothly, “Because we’re his bandmates. We've bought equipment for each other before. For us, it’s an investment. It guarantees we have a future. We have no future without him. You know that as well as I do.”

2D folded his arms. “We done okay whenever he landed his stupid ass in jail.”

“You talked to Russ, right?” Noodle asked.

He nodded, rubbing his face again. “He said to talk to you two and see what you said. He’s willing to help.”

I held my hands up. “And so am I! What is wrong with asking me? Please explain this.” I reached over and pulled his hands away from his face, forcing him to look at me.

“Can’t. Can’t ask it. I’m not asking you to spend your money on something like this. They-” he gestured at Noodle and 2D, “they owe me. 20 years I put into this. Never would have started without me-”

“With equipment you tried to steal- running me over in the process!” 2D stood and then sat back down immediately.

“My band. I made this happen- I goddamn well made you! Her, too!"

Noodle said softly, “As far as I’m concerned, it’s not whether we should. It’s how we can.”

2D said nothing. Noodle sighed and sat back a bit.

“My love- Please. Let me do this.” I lowered my head and placed my hand on his cheek. “I couldn’t win it back for you.”

“You know that wasn’t your fault! Jesus Christ, my- my-”

“Rutabaga,” I suggested.

“My rutabag- are you fucking serious? You did everything you could to save my sorry ass-”

“Yes, but only so I could get my hands on it,” I whispered. “Asmodeus. It’s not a gift. It’s a replacement.”

We seemed to become aware of 2D and Noodle at the same time. They were watching us avidly, as though taking in a movie.

Noodle said matter-of-factly. “Then it’s settled. You get your bass. 2D can set up a studio here, or use the one we had - Colm won’t care. You set up in New York with Russel. I can be anywhere. We can finally finish all the stuff we started this past winter - we worked hard on it - and see what we can do with what we’ve written in the meantime.” She smiled in satisfaction. “And - since we know we’re ready to move ahead - I need to get Russ on the line.”

She dialed and set her phone on a little table.

“How much more money does he need?”

“We’re all set there, Russ,” Noodle said. “No need for your help on this one. But I do have another offer to lay on the table.”

Murdoc and 2D glanced at each other.

Noodle looked proud and excited as she said, “My organization just asked if we would take part in an environmental fundraising concert tour. Someone on their team just remembered I work for RTI. They want to know if we’re interested.”

Murdoc grunted. “If you want the beautiful woman sitting next to me to murder the three of you, by all means let’s continue this conversation.”

Noodle leaned forward. “It’s only a few weeks. It’s a U.S. non-profit, so the whole thing is in the states - finishes in New York. Ten cities. We show up, perform a couple songs, we’re done. It will be a lot of fun and good publicity for when we do throw together the stuff we have - gets us back on the radar first. And it's a good cause.”

“I got Maris to cover my trucks,” said Russ. “Noodle’s right. Usually is.”

Noodle smiled brightly. “Murdoc, don’t you want to show off that new bass?”

My Leviathan’s lip curled. “I’m in.”

Noodle turned to 2D. “Well?”

“What? Oh, right. Yeah. I’m the singer. When is it?”

Noodle looked a bit uneasy. “It is sort of sudden, because they didn’t think of me til they came up short on acts. And I couldn’t say yes until I knew whether or not we could get Murdoc his bass. We’d have to be in on the 28th at the latest. First show is on the 29th.”

“Of October?” Russ asked.

“No,” Noodle replied. “September. Next week.”

“Still in.” Russ sounded firm.

“Me too!” said 2D. “I got Edmund, no worries. Lily’ll help.”

Noodle looked satisfied. “I knew I could count on you.”

I poked Asmodeus. “She had you at ‘show off your bass,’ didn’t she?”

“She’s known me a very long time.”

Russ said goodbye and 2D invited Noodle to eat with us. He looked around for Lily, but she wasn’t on the swings. He headed into the school. She emerged a few minutes later and left without saying goodbye. He came back out, grabbed a beer, and sat down a bit away from us.

Noodle pulled up a chair next to me.

“That was well-played, Athena.”

She smirked. “I had him at ‘new bass’.”

After lunch 2D gave the code and keys to the storage facility to Murdoc. He and Noodle headed over to start sorting things, taking Noodle’s rental. 

I stayed to help 2D clean up. “Guess I’ll be driving you over. Was Lily not feeling well? She left rather abruptly.”

He snapped the lid back on the salad container, not looking at me. “She’s fine.”

“Is she coming over to help with the equipment? Or to amuse me while I watch all of you, at least?”

He shook his head and stared down at the table. “She doesn’t want me to go.”

I closed my eyes for a moment. “I was afraid of that. As soon as Noodle spoke.”

“Yeah. She says I didn’t even so much as look at her before I said yes.” He sat down on one of the lawn chairs. “Told her all along if they needed me I’d have to go.”

“Well, telling her was one thing. Happening so suddenly is quite another. Give her some time, sweetheart. I’m sure she’ll come around. I’ll invite her to New York to see the last show. I think she’ll understand why this means so much to you.”

He stood up with a sigh. “We need to hurry and get over there before Murdoc takes everything for himself. Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry. I was about to say the same thing.”

*****************

2D and I drove out to the facility in which he stored all of the equipment he removed from the house when he gave it to Colm. 

Noodle and my snake were already there, dividing equipment, deciding what was staying and what would be shipped to New York. Leviathan curled his lip as he regarded four adjustable stools.

"Do you happen to know which one-?" he asked 2D.

“We’d need to get rid of all of ‘em.”

He winced.

The keyboards all stayed with 2D obviously. They split up the amps; each would need more. The mixing boards were the greatest source of conflict, but it was sorted by Noodle, with whom neither 2D nor my beast were inclined to argue. Noodle shifted the ukulele out of sight, but Murdoc spotted it while they were sitting on the floor sorting music. He stood with a sigh and retrieved it. After contemplating it for a moment, he handed it to 2D. "For music class," he muttered. 2D looked as though he might fall over in shock, but just said, "thank you" and placed it next to his keyboard.

At last everything was set and labeled. 2D would call movers Monday to box up what was to be shipped to- Kong New York, I guess? Noodle headed to the airport to catch a late flight back to Edinburgh. Since Lily had taken their car my monster and I drove 2D back to their flat. He thanked us both in a perfunctory manner and said he’d see Murdoc in LA. Then he walked away, his shoulders down; that boy wears his emotions.

I told my beloved beast how impressed I was with his gift.

"It was either that or smash it over his pointed head. Seemed like a waste when there are so many more effective things I could hit him with."

***************

As soon as we walked into our hotel room he pulled me into his arms.

"What in fuck did I do to deserve you?"

“I’ll make some inquiries,” I mumbled through his kisses.

He undressed me, kissing every inch he revealed. He yanked my bra off over my head rather than unhook it, and it got tangled in my hair. "Shit. Wait."

Between the two of us we got it out without too much damage. Then he picked me up and threw me on the bed. He was on top of me and inside me in an instant. Thankfully he slowed down after that. That technique - raising his hips with every stroke rather than the mindless thrusting so many men seemed to think sufficient. He pinned my hands over my head, pushing deeper and deeper inside me. He slowed down even further as he drew closer. He was nearly motionless when he came, nothing moving but his shaking shoulders as it coursed through him. He let go of my wrists and leaned over on his arm.

"My monster," I whispered.

“My- sweet- strawberry? Does that work?”

I considered it. “Yes. Yes, it does.”

******************

We stayed in England for the auction at Sotheby's. We dressed in our finest and mingled with snobs and pretentious twits. Only one of them was foolish enough to bid against me, and he dropped out when we hit two hundred eighty. My sweet salamander had his bass, and we stopped for strings on the way home. It needed a few small adjustments, but he played non-stop for the rest of the day.

*****************

Next morning we headed home. He reluctantly left the Bass of Doom to be packed up by the movers who were emptying the storage facility. It would be shipped directly, well insured. Our flight home was uneventful; he snored and drooled on my shoulder, so situation normal. 

I took a quick shower, put some pajamas on, and headed down to see what Urdek was up to. He had indeed kept on top of things perfectly. He had my schedule for the next two weeks planned out, along with his files on each client in a neat binder. He ordered shopping delivered, as his presence in the grocery store seemed unwise. My mail was sorted. A new book I had ordered sat next to it with a bookmark tucked in the front cover. He also had an information sheet printed out for Murdoc - “This is from Ms Noodle. She thought perhaps it would be best for him to have a checklist.”

“As usual, you amaze me Urdek.”

“I worked on Saturday to make up for taking Friday off.”

“You didn’t have to do that! You can take personal days.”

“It was fine, Boss Kimberly! I didn’t mind!”

“Well, I owe you an extra day off now. Urdek, tomorrow why don’t you bring Marmaduke? 2D was talking about “Take Your Imp to Work Day” - we can make that any day we want, can’t we? Then both of you can stay for the evening. My monster is leaving Wednesday, so this is our last chance to all be together for a while.”

He brightened. “Yes, Boss Kimberly!”

As soon as he was gone, Asmodeus said, “Before I leave we hit every room again. Just to make sure you don’t forget about me.”

“Unlikely, my beloved beast, but see me not arguing.”

He led me to the back hallway. Such a romantic. This was the first place he ever slammed me against a wall. He reached down for my pajama bottoms. That first time he had ripped them down the seams to get them off-

“No - wait - these are new.” Our relationship must be getting tame indeed if I’m willing to stop him and remove my own clothing, but I just bought these in London. I slipped them off while he leaned over me, smirking. 

I felt for his zipper, and got his pants off his hips, then guided him in. He lifted me off the floor and I clung to his shoulders. Sentimental fool that he is, he even bit my lip, and then sank his teeth into my neck as he came.

“This time I didn’t break any picture frames.” He said after, handing me my pajama bottoms.

“Well, it’s your house too, now. You have to think about the expenses.”

******************

Tuesday Marmaduke boomed in with Urdek. He watched his father make coffee, print out and review my schedule, sort business receipts and balance the books, mobile deposit several checks, and make reminder phone calls to certain clients. Marmaduke's favorite part was spinning in his father's chair. I made them both peanut butter sandwiches, cut into triangles.

Murdoc made lists, sorted clothing, texted with Noodle, grumbled under his breath. He took every opportunity to grab me and kiss me, twice taking me upstairs - once to his room and once to mine. 

Urdek and Marmaduke stayed for dinner. Afterward they both soaked in the hot tub for a while, Urdek with a glass of wine and Marmaduke with a chocolate shake I made for him. Asmodeus and I snuggled on the dock with our feet in the water.

"I’ll miss you insanely, my beloved beast. This is the first place you ever kissed me," I sighed, my head against his shoulder. "And then you bit me and I knew in that moment I would love you forever."

"You do have a unique set of conditions for screening lovers."

"Lucky for you." I splished my toes around for a bit. "My snake- when did you know? I knew I wanted you the first moment you spoke to me. When did you know?"

He was quiet for a moment. "That first celestial summoning. I never saw anyone command such power. But- really it was when you threw up afterward. You called up something beyond anything I could imagine. When you made me pull over I saw- someone grieving. You were both of those things. That was it for me."

He turned to face me, and I was warmed and ready for my kiss when a crack echoed through the yard. I swung around to see what from hell had just materialized by my pool. Urdek yelped and Marmaduke gave a little screech. My Leviathan was on his feet in a second, striding toward our uninvited guests.

"Mind if I ask what the fuck you're doing in my backyard?"

Urdek had jumped out of the hot tub. He bent and whispered something in Marmaduke's ear, and the impling scampered into the house and peeped out from around the blinds in front of the sliding glass door.

Urdek rushed to Murdoc's side. "No! No! Mr. - Murdoc- these are very high-ranking demons. We musn't be rude!"

He turned and bowed low before them. A similarly dressed fellow visited 2D's school - my friend Lord Ollu’um - Argentia's uncle, as it happened. These were dressed in robes just as impressive, but their crowns put his to shame.

"Kimberly, this is Baron Sizech-Muka, and Baron Enethok. Barons, may I introduce you to Ms. Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson."

"Pleasure," said Baron Sizeck-Muka briefly. "As it happens, we have business with the Lesser Imp Urdek here."

"Actually, this does sort of involve you," said Baron Enethok. "We came to see you over a dispute, but it seems you were at a little school event." He sniffed, indicating his disdain for the mundanity of our absence.

“Watch it,” growled Baron Sizech-Muka. “My girlfriend’s grandson goes to that school.”

Baron Enethok sneered but fell silent.

“Please explain your presence here. You have disturbed a peaceful evening and frightened Urdek’s impling.”

Urdek winced at my tone of voice, but they interrupted a tender moment with my monster and those don’t come along very often.

“The Barons came by Saturday - when you were still in England. I told them you were out of the country, and they were going to go find you there, but I knew that would make you unhappy, Boss Kimberly! So I asked if I could help them with anything.”

“Now you listen: you are not to touch this imp. He is under my protection and if you have an issue with it, you know damned well Who you can take it up with!”

Baron Enethok drew back, offended. Baron Sizech-Muka shook his head. “No, no - Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson, we have not come to castigate the Lesser Imp Urdek.”

“Then why are you here?”

“We’ve come to offer him a job.”

For a good minute there was utter silence except for the bump of the boats against the dock and faint music from a neighbor’s house.

“I do beg your pardons, my lords. I- I don’t understand.” Urdek looked anxious.

“I wonder if we could sit down, please?” asked Baron Sizech-Muka.

“Of course. Right over here.” I led them to the patio table. “Leviathan, would you bring some glasses and a couple bottles of wine out? And please tell Marmaduke to come back out here. He can sit on my lap. I don’t like him being all alone in there.”

The Barons sat down. Murdoc went down to the hot tub first, to retrieve Marmaduke’s chocolate shake. My heart nearly burst. He set it on the table, then went inside and crouched before Marmaduke. The impling dashed right out and crawled onto my lap, reclaiming his treat and staring at our visitors.

Once wine was poured, Baron Sizech-Muka got right down to business. “Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson, we were troubled indeed to find you were not here to serve our needs.”

I raised an eyebrow. “‘Serve’? I serve no one but myself, Baron.”

“Terribly sorry,” he said smoothly. “I should have said ‘assist’.”

“Goddamn right you should have,” my beast muttered behind his wine glass.

“You came highly recommended by Baron Da’gwin and Duke Sennos the Brash.”

Those names sounded familiar. “Oh, yes - I helped them out back in the spring.” I turned to Asmodeus. “That’s the award I got at the Satanic banquet. Remember?”

“The one I wasn’t allowed to attend?” he asked archly. “How could I forget?”

“Baron Enethok and I had a bit of trouble we hoped you could settle for us. But as you were not available, this clever Lesser Imp came to our aid.”

Urdek squirmed and looked abashed. “I just didn’t want to disturb you, Boss Kimberly! I asked if they could wait until you returned-”

“But our need was urgent. Several souls hanging in the balance, as it happened.” Baron Sizech-Muka sipped his wine. “Very nice balance. Borrowed it from Anubis.”

“We had a contract,” began Baron Enethok, “and fell into some dispute with Duke Belias-”

“Jesus Christ, not him again!” yelled Murdoc. “Are you fucking joking?”

“We are aware that Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson had bested that son-of-an-angel, so we wished to consult you,” continued Baron Enethok. “You were not here, but we were also aware that the Lesser Imp Urdek played an important part in knocking his ass from his high horse. The Prince of Darkness still tells the story at parties.”

“So we showed the contract to the Lesser Imp Urdek,” said Baron Sizech-Muka “He read it very carefully, and was able to spot our issue right away. Once he finished re-working the document, it was air-tight and there was nothing Belias could do. The Morning Star was on the floor over it, I have to tell you. Between your victory over him and this, Belias hasn’t spoken to a single demon since!”

Even Baron Enethok smiled at that.

I turned to Urdek. “You never said anything about this, Urdek. Why not?”

He twisted his claws together and turned pink. “It was all taken care of, and they were happy about it, and sometimes demon affairs need to stay among demons, and-”

“And we told him we’d toss his warty behind in a lake of fire before he could say hellhound if he said a word to anyone,” said Baron Enethok.

“That too,” whimpered Urdek.

“What did you do? What was wrong with their contract?”

Urdek whispered, “They needed to be more specific.”

My beast spat out his wine.

“So.” said Baron Sizech-Muka briskly, “in appreciation of his cleverness and willingness to come to our aid, we are prepared to make this offer: a position as my own personal assistant, promotion to Lesser Imp level 2, supervisor of the Planes of Performance Reviews of Mid-levels, and a corner office. Oh, and gym membership.”

Urdek’s eyes had grown wider with each title listed, and then narrowed at the mention of a gym membership. His face grew thoughtful, and then he closed his eyes completely. “No, thank you,” he said.

“We'll pay twice whatever you're making here.”

“No, thank you. You’re very kind, but - no.”

Baron Enethok looked irritated. Baron Sizech-Muka leaned forward. “How about I throw in a company car? A bright red Firebird? And three times what she’s paying you.”

Urdek opened his eyes. He looked over at Marmaduke, sitting on my lap, sucking the last of his milkshake from the bottom of his cup. “Again, I must say it’s a lovely offer and very kind, but no thank you.”

“This is outrageous!” cried Baron Enethok. “You’re being offered the sweetest deal the Lower Realm has ever seen? And you’re choosing this- this trashy demi-goddess and her repulsive human mate?”

“There is always a choice, Urdek,” I said gently. “We always have a choice.”

He shook his head firmly. “With all due respect Boss Kimberly, sometimes there isn’t. Sometimes the other option is utterly inconsequential. There is no choice then.” He gazed around the yard. “This is my home. You're my family.” He looked at Murdoc, then at me and Marmaduke. “It isn’t even worth considering. There is no choice here.”

Baron Enethok tossed back the last of his wine and stood angrily. “You’re an utter idiot.”

“Urdek, Administrative Imp grade seven, there has been talk of your bravery since you helped make a fool out of that pompous hippo Belias." Baron Sizech-Muka said. "I think what you did just now was even braver.” He stood as well, and turned to me. “Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson, thank you for your time and your wine.” Crack- they were gone.

Urdek walked over to me, and I leaned down and placed my forehead against his. Marmaduke put his arms around his father, and I gently transferred the drowsy impling into Urdek’s arms. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Boss Kimberly,” he whispered. And with a soft pop, he disappeared.

My beast sat toying with his wine glass. “Urdek has some balls on him, I’ll say that. Smart little bugger.” We both stood, and he walked over to put his arms around me. I snuggled against his chest.

“What exactly did he mean by ‘demi-goddess’?”


End file.
